Not Good Enough?

Ever feel like you're not good enough? That's a little bit like how I feel right now. I feel like I will never match up to where I'm supposed to be. I'm not sure if that's because of the pressure that society puts on people to be "perfect" or what. But I find myself comparing myself to other people. I know that that's wrong, but it's really easy to do. I don't know why God created me to be who I am. But he did and I gotta trust that he made me, me for a reason. As I'm typing this I'm reminded of the people in the bible that "weren't good enough." Those are usually the kinds of people that God used to do amazing things. I can't wait to see what's in store for me with God's plans.

Letter to God

Dear God,

I'm really blown away by who you are. You continue to amaze me. I can't believe that you love me, that you desire me, that you want me. But I'm so happy that you do. You are limitless and all-powerful. How can I not stand in awe of you? I'm excited for this journey you have me on, Daddy. I can't wait to see what your plans are for me in Detroit. I know that they will be amazing. You've told me that I'm not meant for the ordinary and I don't really know what that means but I'm willing to wait until you show me. I trust you. I believe that you will do great things through me in Detroit. I'm excited for what those things are. Even now my heart is beyond excited as I prepare for and anticipate this fantastic plan you have for me. I ask that you would continue to prepare me and break me and mold me into the person you want me to be. And I ask that you would be crystal clear in your direction and guidance with me. And I ask that you will remain the love of my life. The last one is the most important. Dad, I give everything, all that I am, to you. I love you.

Love,
Nate

Detroit

So this blog is really to share with you all what's been on my mind lately. And if you can't tell what it's about...then you're an idiot...but it's DETROIT! As some of you know, God revealed to me this past Easter that Detroit is the area that I need to be in. Prior to Easter I had prayed that he would break my heart for what breaks his...and he sure did. The Easter weekend that I went to Detroit I experienced some of the craziest things and God gave me this crazy vision for what Detroit could be. Needless to say, I was so broken for the youth of Detroit.

In the high school of Fraser, a suburb of Detroit, the use of heroin has gone up, not down.

There are about 84,000 students in Detroit's public schools (K-12). I don't know every single kid in the area of Detroit but whenever I talk with kids from there, there seems to be an element of hopelessness...whether they want to admit to it or not. A lot of kids come from broken homes. Their parents are divorced and/or doing drugs or are alcoholics. It's scary when you think about how many kids are involved in drugs and alcohol themselves. I mean literally it's like thousands of kids who use them regularly.

The unemployment rate is awful. The official statistic is just below 30% for unemployment but I just read an article that states that the mayor and city officials are saying the unemployment rate is somewhere around 50%.

It all seems like a downward spiral. A lot of kids are surrounded by struggling people. It seems like a hopeless situation. But there are some kids with hope. I saw that as well when I went to Detroit. And I saw these kids have hope when they listened to what the Bible had to say about their lives. It was incredible. My aunt and uncle run a bible study every other Monday night in Detroit in their dining room area around their table. It's nothing huge, at least from an outside perspective. There were 6 kids the night that I went, but man was there just this radiance in the room as my aunt and uncle taught from the Bible. I remember one kid specifically...at the end of the Bible study everyone went around the table and prayed. When it was this one kids turn to pray he prayed a very simple prayer. It went something like, "God I thank you for the strength to say no for one more day." I was a little confused as to what he meant. Later I found out that he was addicted to heroin and he was trying to quit. Even though his prayer was so simple it was so powerful and full of meaning. He realized that he couldn't do it on his own; that his strength came from God. That was the moment that my heart broke for this area. I saw those who were hurt, I saw those who were hopeless, and then I saw those who were reaching out for something more, who didn't want to be caught in this same routine of hopelessness but who needed to hear so badly that they were loved and accepted by the God who created them. This, my friends, is why my heart is broken. Many kids go to sleep every night thinking that they are not good enough. Many teenage girls go to sleep every night wondering if the guy they just gave their heart to just got them pregnant. Many teenage guys wonder how they are going to provide for themselves, much less a family some day. Many teens wonder if anyone cares as they cry themselves to sleep. Many teens...feel hopeless. This, my friends, is why I want to be in that city.

Why?

God, why? Why? Why do you continue to love me and give me grace even when I mess up and sin? I don't understand it. I'm so undeserving for you are a holy God. My best praise is as filthy rags to you and you still welcome me in; you still wait for me with open arms. Why God? Why?

Untitled.

Where do I begin? I have such an uncomfortable feeling in me. I'm not sure what, where, or how to deal with it. It's like a feeling that you get when you know something isn't right...except I feel completely helpless. What else can I do except wait on God and for his perfect plan? He's the one with all the answers.

The Killer Called Mediocrity

I've been looking at the church as a whole and all I see is mediocrity. We, as the church, have settled for a life that is "in the middle." The middle is great. We get the best of both worlds. We get what the world has to offer and we get the nice happy feelings that we feel when we go to church. And then I looked at my own life...and God showed me that I have fallen victim to this killer known as mediocrity. Why is it a killer? When we settle for anything less then what God has for us, that is the moment that we are trying to control our own lives...and that is when we lose the life that God has for us. And I have allowed mediocrity to sneak into my life. I pray but I don't pray as I should. I read my bible but I don't study it like I should. I'm a Christian but I don't always live my life for God. Mediocrity is a killer and if we settle for that, then we will soon be dead.

"Awake, O Sleeper" and Other Stories That Have Changed My Life

Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)

"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."

I just found these verses today, but these are literally the words that God has been whispering to me the past 3 or 4 months. What has happened to our radical, revolutionary, upside-down faith? Why have we stomped all over the amazing gift of salvation that God has given us over and over again by following our own desires instead of being followers of Christ? What does the rest of Ephesians say?

Ephesians 5:10-14 (NLT)

"Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, 'Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'"

"Awake, O sleeper"...such a revolutionary statement. This isn't just a call for people who are not followers of Christ, it's a call for the church! Wake up from you slumber followers of Christ! We are not called to be asleep or dead, but rather we are called to be awake and alive. Once we are awake and alive, once the fire and passion of life through Christ has stirred inside of us, then Christ gives us light. Light to guide our paths, light to expose the darkness in ourselves and in others; this light is from the flame, the Holy Spirit from within us telling us, beckoning us to go out and BE God's love to the people around us. Awake, O sleeper!

This story has changed my way of thinking and I want to share it with you now:

Two guys are talking to each other and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask God why he allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, "Well why don't you ask him?" The guy shakes his head and says he is scared to ask God. When his friend asks why he mutters, "I'm scared God will ask me the same question." Over and over when I ask God why all these injustices are allowed to exist in the world I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body my hands and my feet."

Untitled

Dear God,

I need you right now.

From Nate

Take All Of Me

This song is exactly where I'm at right now...in the craziest of ways. It's called "Take All Of Me" by the Freshwind Band. Here's the lyrics, or at least I think these are the lyrics (I had to type them all out):

TAKE ALL OF ME

All I want is you

You've heard the tears I've cried

So sick of all the things

That keep me from your sight

I just want to feel you closer

Desire of my heart

The choices I've been making

Are tearing us apart

So before I come undone

So before I come undone

Take all of me

Take all of me

Take all of me

Take all of me

'Til there's nothing left but you

Certain in your mercy

Surrounded by your praise

I'm wondering what to give you

But all I have is me

So Lord here I come undone

So Lord here I come undone

Take all of me

Take all of me

Take all of me

Take all of me

'Til there's nothing left but you

This Is My Desire: Consume Me Like A Fire

I just started reading the book of Matthew. I know all of the gospels are similar in that they all tell the story of Jesus but not all of them have the same stories and they all have different writing styles. I was reading about how Jesus just started his ministry...craziest thing. We hear about his birth and a little about his childhood and then BAM! All of a sudden Jesus is almost 30 or already 30 or so and he's ready to start his ministry. I wonder what Jesus was doing during his teen years, and during his 20s. Like that will be a question I will have for God when I get to heaven. Haha! But anyways, so Jesus gets baptized by John the Baptist...blah, blah, blah. And then Jesus gets led away into the desert by the Spirit to be tempted by the devil. So Jesus gets in to the desert and he fasts for 40 days and 40 nights and THEN the devil comes to tempt him. First the devil tempts him with the idea of food. He tells Jesus that since he's God he can turn the stones into bread. And Jesus says back to him that humans don't live on food alone, but that they do (and should) live on EVERY word that comes out of the mouth of God. This is interesting...I've never really thought of this passage as saying those words. Most pastors try to relate that statement to just what's written in the Bible. And I think they are right, the Bible is definitely made up of words that come from the mouth of God, but I don't think we should limit it to that. God still speaks to us in very real ways today, whether we get a sign or we feel God is speaking to us in our hearts, or even, but extremely rare, we hear an audible voice. So anyways this next part is interesting to me. It says that the devil took Jesus and had him stand on the pinnacle of the temple. Some versions say that the devil took Jesus and set him on the pinnacle of the temple. This is how awesome Jesus is...he let the devil tell him where to go and what to do and he still resisted the temptation of the devil. That's so opposite of us as humans. When WE let the devil tell us where to go and what to do we end up giving into the temptation...maybe because we figure, "Hey, we're already here, I've practically committed the sin already, may as well just do it" or whatever other reason we come up with. So the devil tempts Jesus on the pinnacle of the temple with a straight-up weak temptation. He told Jesus that if he was really Jesus, if he was really the son of God then he would be able to throw himself off the top of the temple and the angels would save him from getting hurt. Jesus just has a few words to say this time, "It is written, do not tempt the Lord thy God." And then for the last temptation the devil takes Jesus to this super high mountain and he showed Jesus all the kingdoms of the world (as if Jesus, who was there and helped create the world and is 100% God, didn't know that these kingdoms were there). The devil tempted Jesus by saying "all these kingdoms that you see here can be yours Jesus, if you bow down and worship me." Two things wrong with this statement: (1) God would never bow down to the devil, and (2) if Jesus would have bowed down to the devil he would have actually had to have given ownership of those kingdoms to the devil. See God already owned these kingdoms. They are his, not the devil's. The devil had no right to give them away. So if Jesus would have bowed down to the devil then he would have actually given up his ownership of everything. I like to think that Jesus gets pissed off here and yells his response back to the devil. He says, "Go Satan! For it is written: You shall worship the Lord your God, and serve him only." After this, the devil leaves and Jesus is ministered to by the angels. What I take away from this passage of scripture is that Jesus resisted the devil's temptation's by quoting scripture. I think this gives us all the more reason to be in the Bible so that we know how to combat temptations when they come up. This is just another way in which I would like to be like Jesus. This is my desire, Lord: consume me like a fire.

Tired

I feel like I'm always tired. It's almost getting to the point where it's a constant thing. I'm actually a little worried about it. But I'm super annoyed by it...more than anything. I wish I had more energy.

Me on most days

And so then because I'm super tired I try to find ways to make myself more energetic. That usually consists of me buying a Mountain Dew, or Vault, or a Monster of some kind...usually one of the bigger sized bottles or cans...something like this.

Just hook it up to an I.V., that way it'll go straight into my veins...thanks.

But maybe I'm so tired because I stay up so late at night and my sleep times are irregular. I mean if I honestly look at my sleep schedule it's alllllllways different. Some days I go to bed at 1 AM and some days I got to bed at 5 AM. And then I wake up whenever I want...usually. Can anyone else relate to this picture?

It's a rough life, but someone's gotta protect the apartment from creepers...why not the insomniac?

I don't know if I have insomnia...hopefully not. Alright well I'm too tired to write anymore. Peace!

The Journey Begins

I believe God has revealed to me a new stage in my life that is to come. I'm not sure when it will happen, or how it will happen, or what I will be doing when it happens. All I know is where. I'm not going to write where it's at on here for a few of reasons: (1) I can't even go there yet because I have a 12 month lease on my apartment, (2) I want to make sure that this is where God wants me (I've been praying that God would open the doors that he wants me to walk through, and close the doors that he doesn't want me to go through, and also that he would continue to make it crystal clear where he wants me to be at and what he wants me to do), and (3) if this is where God wants me to go, then I am definitely not prepared yet for this place; but I do however think that God has already started preparing me for this place. Either way I would greatly appreciate your prayers for this. I want to be sure this is where God wants me, and I want to be sure that I am ready for it. I'll keep you guys up to date! :)

Awkward?

So some times in a conversation there is an awkward moment or awkward silence. What are we supposed to do in those moments? According to UrbanDictionary.com we should make "awkward" hand gestures. The first one that is recommended is the "Awkward Turtle." Here is what UrbanDictionary.com says "When you're in an awkward moment, place your hands on top of each other, and spin your thumbs forward. Thus creating the creature know as awkward turtle." And what does this "Awkward Turtle" look like?

Oh yeah, let's make an awkward situation more
awkward by making a turtle out of your hands...

If we want a more accurate picture of how to do the "Awkward Turtle" it would look something like this...

AWKWARD!

Another one, which is less popular, is the "Awkward Turkey." It looks a little something like this...

These are probably the coolest people I've ever seen...they know exactly what to do in an awkward silence or awkward moment

in a conversation. They were actually in the middle of an awkward moment when this picture was taken...probably...

One awkward hand gesture that is not as well known, but is by far my most favorite, is called the "Awkward Palm Tree." Unfortunately I couldn't find a bigger picture of it than the one I'm about to show you...but you get the idea.

And if you shake your arms while doing the "Awkward Palm Tree" you

you would begin to perform the "Awkward Palm Tree in Awkward Hurricane."

If you want to use any of these during an awkward moment in any conversation AND make yourself look like an idiot, by all means, use these awkward hand gestures to point out the already awkward situation.

That being said, I really enjoy the "Awkward Palm Tree" cause it is freakin' hilarious and it's even greater while in the middle of an "Awkward Hurricane."

If you have any other suggestions for lame, hilarious, or awkward hand gestures, please post them here.

Substitute Jesus

So I've spent the bulk of the past 20 days or so in the book of Acts. And it was one of the toughest books in the Bible for me to read through. But that's because there wasn't a whole lot that I felt I could apply to my life. Although it was real interesting to read about the early church and how they lived. There was so much conflict between the early church and the well established religion of Judaism in their time. I can't help but wonder if some of the early Christian folk were like, "Screw this, I want to go back to Judaism. It's easier to follow and I won't be yelled at or beat up or killed for it, and I'm already familiar with it anyways." This is the attitude the pharisees had when Jesus was still alive: familiarity. They weren't ready to give up what they had known to be true, what they had clung onto for so long; they weren't ready for God to rock their world. It makes me wonder, what are we clinging onto instead of God? What are the things in our world that God needs to shake up? God took me back to the point in time just before Jesus' crucifixion where Pontius Pilate allowed the people (some of whom were the chief priests) to decide if they wanted Jesus or Barabbas to be set free. Pilate asked the people if they wanted him to release to them "the king of the Jews" (Jesus). But the chief priests had stirred up the people to ask for Barabbas to be released instead. So Pilate was like, "What do you want me to do with Jesus then?" And do you know what they responded with? "Crucify him!" Pilate asked them, "Why? What has he done wrong?" But they just shouted louder. Did you guys know that Barabbas is not Barabbas's first name? His first name was actually Jesus. The people had a choice between Jesus, "the king of the Jews" and Jesus Barabbas...and instead of choosing the man who was 100% God and 100% man, instead of choosing the person who would later die to save them and the future generations from their sin, they chose a substitute Jesus. They chose a Jesus who was a murderer, a Jesus who was "one of them," a Jesus who didn't cause them to make a choice. So let me ask, what's your substitute Jesus? What or who are you putting your trust in? Are you afraid of what would happen if you started to put even a little trust in the real deal? I want to challenge you. Whether you believe in Jesus or not, whether you are a Christian already or you want nothing to do with any sort of religion. I want to challenge you to have a conversation with God. Lay it all out to him. Tell him how you feel about him. He can handle anything you throw at him. He's big enough. But then I want you to end your conversation with one statement: "But God, if you are there, if you are real, then I want you to rock my world." Then I want you to see what happens.

God and Love

We sing songs about God's love in church but are we really getting it?
Yes we understand that God has a love for the people in starving
countries and a love for people who are victims of natural disasters,
at least we do for a little while. We even understand that God has a
love for the people that we love to love. But I pray that when we
hear about God's love, when we sing about God's love, when we remember
God's love that we will remember also that God has love not only for us
but for the people around us that we don't like, the people that we
love to hate. When we hear about God's love may we remember that God's
love extends to the people that are annoying, to the people who are
awkward, to the people who can't seem to find a bar of soap to save
their life. God loves the unlovable...and if we believe in God and in
his love then we should also love the unlovable.

Never Ceases To Amaze...

Honestly, the more I wonder if God really knows what he's doing, the more he proves to me that he does. Tonight was high school Impact youth group at KCC. I came into that night with my doubts and my worries and pain and stress...and I left having an experience with a God who is bigger than all of it. I'm so blown away right now. We spent an hour after youth group ended in worship. Words cannot even describe how awesome it was.

Amazing...blows me away...

I was reading through some of the Psalms tonight and I came across this verse that really hit me: Psalm 27:8. It says this:

You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, LORD, do I seek."

It's a simple verse, and it almost seems that there is nothing special about...but really read it for a second! Really dive into the implications of what is being said in this verse. God has said to seek his face. And I had to ask myself, "What is my response to that?" Will I seek his face? Will I live my life seeking his face? Or will I live my life seeking things that I shouldn't? But then, GET THIS YOU GUYS! I dove into the translation from the Hebrew of this verse and I found that the command here in this verse, the word "seek," is addressed to more than one person. God isn't commanding just me, or just you, or just David (the author of the Psalms) to seek his face. He is commanding all of us! God has put out a call to everyone and he is telling everyone to seek his face. Now...who will respond to this call...let me ask you, what is your response to this call? Will you seek his face? Will you say to him, "Your face, LORD, do I seek"? Intense stuff man, intense stuff!