Not Good Enough?

Ever feel like you're not good enough? That's a little bit like how I feel right now. I feel like I will never match up to where I'm supposed to be. I'm not sure if that's because of the pressure that society puts on people to be "perfect" or what. But I find myself comparing myself to other people. I know that that's wrong, but it's really easy to do. I don't know why God created me to be who I am. But he did and I gotta trust that he made me, me for a reason. As I'm typing this I'm reminded of the people in the bible that "weren't good enough." Those are usually the kinds of people that God used to do amazing things. I can't wait to see what's in store for me with God's plans.

Letter to God

Dear God,

I'm really blown away by who you are. You continue to amaze me. I can't believe that you love me, that you desire me, that you want me. But I'm so happy that you do. You are limitless and all-powerful. How can I not stand in awe of you? I'm excited for this journey you have me on, Daddy. I can't wait to see what your plans are for me in Detroit. I know that they will be amazing. You've told me that I'm not meant for the ordinary and I don't really know what that means but I'm willing to wait until you show me. I trust you. I believe that you will do great things through me in Detroit. I'm excited for what those things are. Even now my heart is beyond excited as I prepare for and anticipate this fantastic plan you have for me. I ask that you would continue to prepare me and break me and mold me into the person you want me to be. And I ask that you would be crystal clear in your direction and guidance with me. And I ask that you will remain the love of my life. The last one is the most important. Dad, I give everything, all that I am, to you. I love you.

Love,
Nate

Detroit

So this blog is really to share with you all what's been on my mind lately. And if you can't tell what it's about...then you're an idiot...but it's DETROIT! As some of you know, God revealed to me this past Easter that Detroit is the area that I need to be in. Prior to Easter I had prayed that he would break my heart for what breaks his...and he sure did. The Easter weekend that I went to Detroit I experienced some of the craziest things and God gave me this crazy vision for what Detroit could be. Needless to say, I was so broken for the youth of Detroit.

In the high school of Fraser, a suburb of Detroit, the use of heroin has gone up, not down.

There are about 84,000 students in Detroit's public schools (K-12). I don't know every single kid in the area of Detroit but whenever I talk with kids from there, there seems to be an element of hopelessness...whether they want to admit to it or not. A lot of kids come from broken homes. Their parents are divorced and/or doing drugs or are alcoholics. It's scary when you think about how many kids are involved in drugs and alcohol themselves. I mean literally it's like thousands of kids who use them regularly.

The unemployment rate is awful. The official statistic is just below 30% for unemployment but I just read an article that states that the mayor and city officials are saying the unemployment rate is somewhere around 50%.

It all seems like a downward spiral. A lot of kids are surrounded by struggling people. It seems like a hopeless situation. But there are some kids with hope. I saw that as well when I went to Detroit. And I saw these kids have hope when they listened to what the Bible had to say about their lives. It was incredible. My aunt and uncle run a bible study every other Monday night in Detroit in their dining room area around their table. It's nothing huge, at least from an outside perspective. There were 6 kids the night that I went, but man was there just this radiance in the room as my aunt and uncle taught from the Bible. I remember one kid specifically...at the end of the Bible study everyone went around the table and prayed. When it was this one kids turn to pray he prayed a very simple prayer. It went something like, "God I thank you for the strength to say no for one more day." I was a little confused as to what he meant. Later I found out that he was addicted to heroin and he was trying to quit. Even though his prayer was so simple it was so powerful and full of meaning. He realized that he couldn't do it on his own; that his strength came from God. That was the moment that my heart broke for this area. I saw those who were hurt, I saw those who were hopeless, and then I saw those who were reaching out for something more, who didn't want to be caught in this same routine of hopelessness but who needed to hear so badly that they were loved and accepted by the God who created them. This, my friends, is why my heart is broken. Many kids go to sleep every night thinking that they are not good enough. Many teenage girls go to sleep every night wondering if the guy they just gave their heart to just got them pregnant. Many teenage guys wonder how they are going to provide for themselves, much less a family some day. Many teens wonder if anyone cares as they cry themselves to sleep. Many teens...feel hopeless. This, my friends, is why I want to be in that city.

Why?

God, why? Why? Why do you continue to love me and give me grace even when I mess up and sin? I don't understand it. I'm so undeserving for you are a holy God. My best praise is as filthy rags to you and you still welcome me in; you still wait for me with open arms. Why God? Why?

Untitled.

Where do I begin? I have such an uncomfortable feeling in me. I'm not sure what, where, or how to deal with it. It's like a feeling that you get when you know something isn't right...except I feel completely helpless. What else can I do except wait on God and for his perfect plan? He's the one with all the answers.

The Killer Called Mediocrity

I've been looking at the church as a whole and all I see is mediocrity. We, as the church, have settled for a life that is "in the middle." The middle is great. We get the best of both worlds. We get what the world has to offer and we get the nice happy feelings that we feel when we go to church. And then I looked at my own life...and God showed me that I have fallen victim to this killer known as mediocrity. Why is it a killer? When we settle for anything less then what God has for us, that is the moment that we are trying to control our own lives...and that is when we lose the life that God has for us. And I have allowed mediocrity to sneak into my life. I pray but I don't pray as I should. I read my bible but I don't study it like I should. I'm a Christian but I don't always live my life for God. Mediocrity is a killer and if we settle for that, then we will soon be dead.

"Awake, O Sleeper" and Other Stories That Have Changed My Life

Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)

"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."

I just found these verses today, but these are literally the words that God has been whispering to me the past 3 or 4 months. What has happened to our radical, revolutionary, upside-down faith? Why have we stomped all over the amazing gift of salvation that God has given us over and over again by following our own desires instead of being followers of Christ? What does the rest of Ephesians say?

Ephesians 5:10-14 (NLT)

"Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, 'Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'"

"Awake, O sleeper"...such a revolutionary statement. This isn't just a call for people who are not followers of Christ, it's a call for the church! Wake up from you slumber followers of Christ! We are not called to be asleep or dead, but rather we are called to be awake and alive. Once we are awake and alive, once the fire and passion of life through Christ has stirred inside of us, then Christ gives us light. Light to guide our paths, light to expose the darkness in ourselves and in others; this light is from the flame, the Holy Spirit from within us telling us, beckoning us to go out and BE God's love to the people around us. Awake, O sleeper!

This story has changed my way of thinking and I want to share it with you now:

Two guys are talking to each other and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask God why he allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, "Well why don't you ask him?" The guy shakes his head and says he is scared to ask God. When his friend asks why he mutters, "I'm scared God will ask me the same question." Over and over when I ask God why all these injustices are allowed to exist in the world I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body my hands and my feet."